Body Dysmorphia

So I usually wear my binder everyday. But lately I haven’t. It’s been hurting my back too much, plus I ride a bike to work.

Well I’ve been feeling dysphoric when it comes to my chest. I’ve nearly gotten to the point where I hate taking photos and avoiding my chest  in the mirror. I’ve been trying to bind again but my binder isnt stretching nor fitting properly. 

I don’t have the money to get a new one at the moment but I need one. I need a white one so I’m not as hot this summer. And another black one cause come on, it’s black lol.

I hear a lot of guys who will layer up this summer because their dysphoria will get the better of them. And I’m not knocking that, you have to do what you have to do to be happy but that’s not me.

I’m trying to take all this in stride. I’m getting some tanks and t-shirts celebrating my journey, I’ve come a long way and even with all the trans visibility, there isn’t enough. There’s never enough.

I don’t go out often because I work a lot but when I do it’s to the beach and I wear tank tops into the water. So a few tanks with this logo will make me feel better and make people a bit more aware that not everyone is like them.

I’m assertive when I need to be so a few shirts announcing my masculinity will help me feel better in the long run.

I just don’t want to hide anymore. I’ve hidden for 12 years. I shouldn’t have to hide anymore. 

Hopefully this summer will be better and I’ll be able to be myself, even with the large mass sitting atop my chest.

Im not looking to be hidden or stealth because I do not ‘pass’ but I am visible and I am a man. And I deserve to be treated as such as much as any other human being.


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