TW separated by “~~~’s” can be skipped
3 months has come and gone. I haven’t felt or seen/noticed any significant changes in the last month besides my waist is slimming. I was fitting a size 40(the largest size I’ve ever worn) just four months ago. But just recently I noticed they were too large. It could also be because I ride my bike a lot more. I now can wear certain 38 jeans I haven’t worn in months and could even fit a size 36 Levis though it was extremely snug.
I also noticed I don’t cry easily. If hardly at all. For quite a long time I’ve been able to cry on cue if I wanted to but just these past few days a lot of mental strain fell upon me but I couldn’t get a good cry session going to alleviate it. And yes, I do use crying to alleviate stress. It keeps me from eating too much and I’d rather cry than gorge myself.
Energy levels are higher, I can run longer on the treadmill. A lot longer than I used to and with less rest in between. I used to run five minutes and be spent for another 10 but now I can run five minutes, walk five, run eight(personal best on 8/31/16). I’m slowly working to remove the need to walk so long by restarting my run sooner and pushing to run longer.
I haven’t built much muscle but I do some light lifting to not overexert myself. Hopefully in the months to come I can build something up.
Another thing: I stink. Badly. If it’s not me sweating through my binder from biking to work. It’s me sweating just sitting in the heat. But working out is the worst! I make sure I have a change of clothes and extra deodorant, and body spray, because the sweat and all over body odor that starts to exude from my body reeks. Yuck. But I do work up a good sweat.
No facial hair. I’m a bit disappointed but it’s not unexpected. I’m looking to try a minodoxil treatment once my money is situated. A lot of Trans and NB folx on Facebook and Instagram have said it helps a lot, through its for your head it seems to work pretty well for their faces.
My libido is rising. Annoyingly rising. Not always where I want to have sex but where I need to alleviate myself because it will hurt while riding my bike. There isn’t much growth but it is a bit bigger than normal.
My boobs. Cue sad face. One of my boobs is smaller than the other. Significantly smaller. Like a full cup size smaller. It’s frustrating because now I’m self conscious that my left side is protruding out more than my right side. Granted I am left handed when doing physical activities so I figured the workforce would distribute unevenly. Hopefully going to the gym and spending an extra few minutes on my right side will help.
It does make me feel like complete shit though because I just want them to be as flat as possible in a binder and now my left puffs out more than my right. My depression sets in when I can’t wear certain shirts because I think they look bad. Or noticeable. Making my need for top surgery greater if this continues.
I’m still working on coming out to my job, client, and his wife. It seems harder and harder each time I meet someone new to remember to say my birthname and not Andrew.
I have met so many people under my birthname and I hate awkward situations, especially saying yeah it’s not …. anymore, it’s actually Andrew now. But it must happen sooner, rather than later.