5 months on T 10/26/16

Not much has changed within the last month.

My chin hair is growing to the point of minimal visibility in certain selfies and there’s minimal upper lip hair. Me and my friends joke that it’s not 5 o’clock shadow but more like 12:45 o’clock shadow.

No downstairs growth had been detectable which I don’t really know how I feel about it. Dysphoria hasn’t hit me in the lower region like it does in my chest.

My doctor is waiting on my blood work to see whether or not to increase my dose. I feel like my dose is still on the low side seeing as I’m seeing few results but my doctor wants to be sure I won’t be over dosing and converting it back to estrogen.

My doc also looked at my chest issue and said she’d never seen that particular occurrence with any other patient. I will be making an appointment with a doctor once I fill out the paperwork at a new primary clinic.

Complete cessation of a monthly cycle is deemed fitting. I have not seen hide nor hair of the blasted visitor since Sept 1st to the 5th. My doctor also thought it was odd that I felt pressure on my pelvis around the time my cycle should have appeared. I haven’t felt it since but if it happens before I make a doctor’s visit I will bring it up to them as well.

I’m still slowly working my way around the gym. I started walking to work, just to increase my cardio, so instead of biking 2.2 miles to work I work those legs more by waking the 2.2 miles. I also(at least try to) walk a good :45 mins to an hour on the treadmill each time I’m near my gym(M,W,F). But I mostly walk the 2 miles to work and 2 miles back. 

An overwhelming sense of sadness has centered itself around me. I’ve been feeling not good enough. Like I’m not doing enough with my life. It’s affecting my writing capabilities and my willingness to want to really do anything. I push through because in my line of work I can’t afford to walk around with emotional baggage. 

I don’t know what to do to get myself out of this rut. Speaking with a mental health professional doesn’t really help me. I don’t like talking about my problems. 

Correction: I don’t know how to talk about my problems. I don’t know why I feel this way. So I don’t know what to talk about to fix it. I hate it. I hate it so much.

I guess that’s what I should work on next.

Until next time, here’s my photo updates.
5 months

Pre t

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2 Comments

  1. Whenever I’ve had a hard time talking about things, writing about them first has always helped. I’ve combined that with therapy many many many times, either emailing the therapist right before the appt, or bringing in something for he/she to read. That way, I don’t have to actually talk out loud about a lot of it. It helps a ton.

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